I compare thee to..

So it's Sunday. Most people have a day off tomorrow to observe Martin Luther King Jr. day, however, businesses don't seem to do the same. Apparently the business world is under some false pretense that racism only occurred in our schools and never the workplace. So I will be working my 2 day a week 9-5 as usual, while everyone else enjoys the nice 70 degree Florida beach weather..well, at the beach.

But moving on, last week was my first week at a University. I've been to college (already have my AA degree) but this was my first, what I call, 'real college experience'. & I would like to take a moment to jot down how I felt this past week, just incase I find it interesting (or even possibly humorous) in the future..

First off, I commute & left early to go to campus the "back way". Of course as I get onto 50 I realize that I infact have no idea where I am going. A car promptly cuts me off, and as my brain is signaling my hand to lift up my finger I notice a "UCF" sticker & decide that there is no way that this car is coming from all the way where I am and NOT going where I'm going. So I follow it.
This story would be a lot better if I followed it into some poor unknowing person's driveway, but it did in fact lead me 'the back way' and right into the right parking garage. Success.

I'm freaking out about the parking garage now because I've never actually parked in one by myself, yeah I'm painfully insane. However, all is well because there's a nice open spot right on the first floor. Success.

I go to grab my things & then look to see what time it is. 9:22am. My class starts at 10:30. Fail.

The campus is beautiful though, I ate my lunch outside on a wall/ledge of sorts and actually 'lol'd at the sheer steryotypicalness of it all. Me sitting under the shade of a tree quietly eating my sandwhich, listening to the occasional chatter from people walking to & from classes & hearing the swoosh swoosh of ,the more coordinated, students skateboarding to class. It was enjoyable I'll admit. Although I probably scared off a few people on my way back to the parking garage after my last class.. when I thought the scene couldn't possibly mimic that of any college movie you could name anymore, I passed a group of students playing soccer..I smiled to myself. Then I passed a group playing football..I rolled my eyes in a way as to say 'of courseee they would be doing that'. Finally, I completely lost my cool when I saw the largest group yet playing frisbee..I proceeded to instantly bust out into laughter. By myself. Good thing I wasn't trying to make any friends in the vacinity..but I still decided to call someone as to ignore the fact that I just laughed out loud to myself..in public.

Moving on though, I think that the rest of my experience (of going to class by myself, sitting in class by myself, talking to myself (in my head..I'm not that big of a creeper), walking by myself, & eating by myself.) can best be described as going to the movies alone. It's really almost an identical situation, just a bit less entertaining. That basically sums it up though, it was exactly as though I went to see 4 movies in one day, with a break in between the 2nd and 3rd, alone.

Seems awfully pitiful. Good thing I don't mind being alone every once in awhile. I'll definately never be the annoying girl talking just to know that her voice still works, and people can in fact still hear it.

Now I'm off to bed though, I have 2 gym trips to make tomorrow before & after work..& a little extra sleep definately couldn't hurt.

Dream Beautiful Dreams~

a spin on Forgiveness

Forgiveness: the act of forgiving.

Forgive: 1a: to give up resentment of or claim to requital for b: to grant relief from payment of
2: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardon

A simple word, a straight forward meaning. Why is it then, that people so easily confuse it for foolishness, naivety? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Ring a bell to anybody?

Why is it that forgiveness has stopped simply meaning to release any harboring resentment to a person? It has now come to mean forgiving one for their wrongdoings and continuing to go about your daily life and interactions with such people as though nothing ever occurred. Clearly the clever work of manipulative minds, whom desire to justify their wrongdoings through the concept that a truly good person is obligated to "forgive" them.

These minds use God, and Jesus as reasons for practicing their version of "forgiveness". That to live like Jesus one must forgive. Oh, believe me, I believe in Jesus and I believe in forgiveness, and actually practice it quite well. However, I am a little less experienced with foolishness.

Foolish: 1: lacking in sense, judgment, or discretion
2a: absurd, ridiculous b: marked by a loss of composure : nonplussed
3: insignificant, trifling

*synonyms see simple*

How do these two polar opposite words end up tied together on top of the railroad tracks you ask?
Simple, how many times have you been told or asked to "forgive" someone, and in your heart done exactly that, only to receive more grief and drama because you did not return to living your life in the exact same matter as before the incident?
Now I'm not talking about your best friend telling you that you that the dress looks great only for you to ask a more brutal friend for an opinion and learn it looks hideous. Or even a friend telling a little white lie to get out of doing a favor, or to back out on plans. No, I'm talking about bigger things, like blatant disrespect. Infedelity. Betrayal. Things of this nature. Things that when done, make you stagger back a few steps and look on wide-eyed for a moment at the situation.
Oh, now you may say that disrespect is not as bad as infedelity. It may not be, but with respect infedelity could be avoided. Betrayal could be avoided. Yes, when a person loses the capability to show any respect for a person they become capable of much larger things.

Okay, I acknowledge that this is very close to becoming a falacy, but I'm just saying they become capable. How about this.. they become more likely to become capable. ?

Okay. Here's the point, since I seem to have let it run off. When you practice forgiveness you should not be expected to move on as if the incident never occured. As if the person you forgave never committed any wrong. You should learn from it. Ask yourself whether or not that person still holds the qualities of someone who is worthy to stay in your life. If the answer is no then forgive that person. For harboring anger only strenghtens the power of those 'who trespass against us'.
But don't ever confuse forgiveness for forgetfullness. Sure they say "forgive and forget" but that seems more appropriate if it were "forgive and move on", but of course that doesn't sound as nice does it? There's not ring to that. Funny thing with the blunt truth. There's never a positive happy connotation. Even the word "blunt" itself sounds and looks ugly. Like someone getting hit in the face.
Don't ever let someone guilt trip you into continuing to have a relationship of any kind. You have all the right to forgive and move on. Don't keep returning to bad habits.

Practice forgiveness. Don't practice foolishness.
& always remember, "Fool me once, Shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Sleep beautifully my fellow little monsters.

Notorious

Notorious. I am notorious for overbooking myself and attempting to do absolutely everything. I believe that my subconscious is convinced that I am Hermione Granger, and that Dumbledore has provided me with a time turner to attend to all of my duties. Oh what a downer it is to remind myself that..oh yeah, I'm a bloody muggle and the only person I know with a time turner is my best friend A. (Pardon my gossip girl "first letter only" usage, but it's easier than using names and having to explain and such..I would refer to my boyfriend as S, but then I think of the blonde blake lively as Serena on Gossip Girl..definately not my boyfriend..but anyways, scatter brain..)

Back to the useless dribble I was saying, I have either school or work monday-thursday from 9-6. I was under the false impression that I had a good 3 hour break between my 2nd and 3rd class on tues and thur when I saw an ad for an internship with a fabulous photographer I've worked with on several occassions. I read all the info and felt like I couldn't have fit perfectly for the position, apply get asked for an interview and then what do I find out? That no, I do not have a 3 hour break in between my 2nd and 3rd class, but only and hour and a half. Definately not enough time to devote at least 5 hours to being the best little monster assistant ever and bonding over Lady Gaga :). So sad. Why can't I do everything? Oh J.K Rowling, why must you taunt me with your magical world of hogwarts and magic. If I was a wizard I would be so much more badass.

No worries though, because the Harry Potter world at Universal opens soon. They should totally open up a hogwarts and let people stay the night like you can at Cinderella's castle. I would SO pay hundreds of dollars for that. Disgusting I know.

Beautiful Love <3

2O1O.

Ok. so first of all, let me say that I am STILL devastated that I did not see Lady Gaga tonight. Long sad story. Involving having tickets right as they went on sale, hitting back on accident and them being sold out already. That's in the past though, even though I have to say it was my first disapointment of 2O1O.. You hear that Lady Gaga? You were this little monster's first disapointment of the decade, big ups to you. AND since she performed at my university I will be reminded every tuesday and thursday on my way to class of what could have been. Haha okay well enough mellodramatics..

It's a brand new decade. Lots of things are going to happen this year, I'm starting up school again after a semester off "finding myself", I'm turning 20 (no more -teens) and I'll be moving out (this time forreal? haha). I'm mostly anxious for the things to come, to see where I go with modeling, I've had such success with it so far, but as deeply as my heart was set on modeling as a career, it has become more of a (paying) passion, but I feel myself going in another direction careerwise.

2OO9 was one of the craziest years to date. So many high's and low's, my life changed directions more times than it had in my whole existance. I graduated, moved to china,moved back, went to work, felt the heartbeat of New York City, the subtle glamour of the Hamptons, the warm sun in Mexico, the serenity at the top of a mountain, the surprise of already reaching the year mark with my love and here I am bringing in the New Year, the New DECADE, going right back to where I've always shined the brightest, School. Such a nerdy thing to say but..that is SO me. Nerdy.

I didn't make any new year's resolutions, I always forget them and remember right around the time of the next new year's only to feel disapointment in myself; BUT I am going to encourage myself to finally keep up with my blog. I've wanted to for so long, I always have so much.. well TOO much to say. So here it is, my unofficial "note to self" in blog form.

& as I sit here typing away, belting Lady Gaga lyrics in my mind (yes in my head), I am going to make a promise to myself to make this year as unforgetable as the last, only with more up's than down's.

Happy New Years :)
Live it as beautiful as you are.